OUCH!

This would really hurt!

Canned Fruit?

Why do people buy fruit in the can when there is fresh fruit just a few isles over?

Is it skill or luck?

I've been watching the World Series of Poker (WSP) on ESPN for a few weeks now. I find it facinating to watch "the pros" play hand after hand after hand with guys (and some babes) who coughed up 10K to play because they won a couple games of kitchen table poker on tuesday night at Amber-D's house while drinking a Gin and Tonic. These so called pros look stunned that "Don", the physics teacher from Grosse Pointe (feel free to insert your own character here, Don is just a made up person to add flavor to the story) has the nutz (that is a poker term by the way) to go "all in" with pocket jacks when the "pro" tries to bluff them out of the hand... No, when the pro tries to bluff them out of the game... No, when the pro tries to bluff them out of the tournament... No, when the pro tries to bluff them off the planet because nobody but a "pro" has the right to play in the WSP. Right?

HOW DARE YOU CALL MY BET DON?
Don't you know I'm a PRO!!!
YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE.
Says the "pro"...
to himself
with his inside voice
(because cameras are rolling, can't say that kinda thing on TV)

Anyway, "Don" got me thinking, is it luck or is it skill that wins a poker game? I'm convinced that over time, oh say a brazillion days or so a "pro" will win more than, um... Don. But the problem is that every now and then Don will catch five wild cards (not talking holdem anymore) and beat a pro with five queens. And the cycle begins... Bluff enough, play it slow enough, catch on the river enough, GET LUCKY ENOUGH and you just might think you are, in fact, a "pro" yourself and plop down 10K to play in the WSL (world series of luck)...

So, Luck or Skill? If you ask me, the difference between a "pro" and "Don" is TV, money and time. See, we all think these "pros" are "pros" because they show up in movies (you gotta see Rounders), all they do is play poker, and more poker and even more poker to the point that they get on TV every tuesday night. Money because they can afford to live in casinos playing poker game after poker game. Time because they don't have the kind of jobs we have like teaching our youngsters the importance of doing more physics homework to get a magical "A" on their report card. Rather than grading "more" homework, "Pros" play more poker. What happens when you play more poker? You get on TV, you make more money and you can afford to waste your time playing more poker... see how that cycle goes?

Take away the TV, the money and the time and what do you have left that differenciates a "Pro" from a "Don" LUCK, LUCKITY LUCK LUCK LUCK. Which any "pro" will tell you, without luck, they'd never be a "pro" in the first place.

Since we all get lucky some times be we rarely get the TV, money and time the "pros" do, When and if you get the chance... I say GO ALL IN with your pocket jacks when that "pro" puts you all in. Chances are it's YOUR turn to get lucky! And the cycle begins again... only this time the "Pro's" name is "DON"!!!

Nine lives wasn't enough

I had to scrape my neighbor's little girl's cat off the street today with a shovel. It was hit by a car, right out front of her house. Driver didn't even stop. It was a very sad sad day.

If I could save time in a bottle...

I was thinking today while in the shower ( don't we all do our best thinking there?) what would I put in a time capsule to represent the last five years of our lives.






Right away I thought of the Lance Armstrong "Livestrong" yellow bracelets.


Then of course the evil empire Apple and their overly hyped ipod... you know you can get better MP3 players for less money with more features don't you? Just go to http://www.evatt.blogspot.com/ and ask Chris about it.

After that and one of my personal favorites would be the poker craze... so we would have to put some poker chips and cards in the time capsule.




Oh, what about the game boy... the single most anti go out and play sports, anti use your imaginationto keep yourself busy and anti do your homework video game device ever created. Just ask any fat 13 year old... I'm sure he has the latest version.




Speaking of fat 13 year old kids, why does everything have to be supersized, biggie sized, over sized? Do we really need to drink 24 ounces of soda water mixed with syrup every time we go to a fast food joint?



Anyway, that's all I could come up with before the water started getting cold. And you know what happens when the water is cold... SHRINKAGE JERRY SHRINKAGE!!!
Maybe tomorrow I'll think of a few more things. Till then, what would you put in YOUR time capsule.

"I'm not gonna quit. They will have to drag me out of here. I know I'm still a good football player."

The lions desperately need Joey Harrington to step up and be the guy. To show he has what "it" takes. Consider the options... Starting a quy who was so bad even the Browns let him go or a Rookie who has a slim to no chance of winning his first year. Then don't need either of those two options. They need Joey to play better. They need Tolner to call better plays. Look at the successfull teams in the NFL... they all have QBs that have been with the team for a while, who know the system and knows his wide receivers... That won't happen in Detroit unless Joey becomes the Guy... I'm hoping he can do "it"... God help us if he can't beat the Browns on Sunday!

What Would Jesus Blog?

Thought you might find this CNN article interesting


What would Jesus blog?

That and other pressing questions drew 135 Christians to Southern California this weekend for a national conference billed as the first-ever for "God bloggers," a growing community of online writers who exchange information and analyze current events from a Christian perspective.
The three-day conference at Biola University marked an important benchmark for Christian bloggers, who have worked behind the scenes for years to spread the Gospel and infuse politics with religion.
Topics included God bloggers' relationship with the traditional church, their growing influence on mainstream politics and how to manage outsiders' perceptions.
Some predicted bloggers could play a role in reforming the modern church by keeping televangelists and other high-profile Christian leaders honest.
Joe Carter, author of evangelicaloutpost.com, compared blogging to the 95 Theses posted by Martin Luther nearly 500 years ago that launched the Protestant Reformation.
"It's like putting 95 blogs out there," said Carter, who previously said God bloggers offer an "uncensored and unadulterated" view of contemporary Christian thought on politics and organized religion.
Many bloggers are now writing about religious oppression, poverty and world hunger, instead of hot-button issues such as abortion, homosexuality and assisted suicide, said the Rev. Andrew Jackson, a seminary professor and pastor at the Word of Grace Church in Mesa, Arizona.
"With blogging you tend to break out of those circles and you see other points of view," Carter said. "There's a bigger world out there than gay marriage and abortion."
At one well-attended workshop -- "When Non-Christians Read Your Blog" -- Biola University professor Timothy Muehlhoff gave instructions on writing about faith without alienating nonbelievers.
He stressed that God blogging has the potential to be a "train wreck" because done wrong it can reinforce stereotypes of evangelical Christians as angry and close-minded "pit bulls of the culture wars."
"As Christians today we are embroiled in the argument culture and we have forgotten this one thing: 'Blessed are the peacemakers.'," he said. "Wouldn't it be nice if we could say we brought a level of civility back to the conversation?"
Jackson, who blogs at smartchristian.com, said he wasn't as sure what long-term influence blogging would have on evangelical Christians -- but he knew it would be important.
"We are just at the beginning of what is going on," he said. "We need to start thinking about how we can harness and focus the Christian blogosphere for greater impact."

Why I Hate the Sound of Silence!!!

Hey, see this thing over there. Leave me a message on what you would like to read about. I'll do my best to comply. Thank you bud!

Why I Hate Being Told How to Live My Life!

J.A.R. (Jason Andrew Relva)
My friend drove off the other day, And now he's gone and all they say, Is you gotta live cause life goes on But now I see i'm mortal too I can't live my life like you Gotta live it up while life goes on

And I think it's alright That I do what I like cause that's the way I wanna live And so I give And i'm still giving

And now I wonder about my friend If he gave all he could give Cause he lived his life like I live mine If you could see inside my head Then you'd start to understand The things I value in my heart

You know that, I know that, Your watching me

Gotta make a plan Gotta do what's right Can't run around in circles If you wanna build a life But I don't wanna make a plan For a day far away While i'm young and while i'm able All I wanna do is....

Why I Hate Walt!!!

Well, I don't actually hate Walt... but in keeping with my theme... Anyway, this is pretty cool Don't know if its true or not, but if you look at the milk carton below, you will see Walt's face on the side. Sweet huh? By the way, how did the milk stay fresh for 30 years?

Why I Hate Double Churn!!!

It gives me attomic explosive megga gas. Whew! And stinky too!

Why I Hate Saudi Oil!!!

WHERE TO BUY YOUR USA-GAS WHERE TO BUY YOUR USA-GAS, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW.

READ ON--



Gas rationing in the 80's worked even though we grumbled about it.
It might even be good for us! The Saudis are boycotting American goods.
We should return the favor. [KSW] I'm posting this in my car to remind me! An interesting thought is to boycott their GAS. Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just buy from gas companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis. Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family, and my friends. I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle Eastern oil.

These companies import Middle Eastern oil:

• Shell............................ 205,742,000 barrels
• Chevron/Texaco......... 144,332,000 barrels
• Exxon /Mobil............... 130,082,000 barrels
• Marathon/Speedway... 117,740,000 barrels
• Amoco............................62,231,000 barrels

If you do the math at $30/barrel, these imports amount to over $18 BILLION! (oil is now $55-$60 a barrel)

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:

• Citgo......................0 barrels
• Sunoco...................0 barrels
• Conoco..................0 barrels
• Sinclair.................0 barrels
• BP/Phillips............0 barrels
• Hess.......................0 barrels
• ARC0.....................0 barrels

All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and each is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers. It's really simple to do. Now, don't wimp out at this point.... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!! I'm sending this note to about thirty people.

If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) .. and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers !!!!!!! If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it ..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!! Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next eight days!

Why I Hate IT!!!

Quote from a very smart football guy "So far in this young season it’s been one epiphany after another for me. Last week, I finally figured out what ultimately makes a NFL QB a great Fantasy QB: “IT.” I’m more convinced than ever that Eli Manning has “it” and that youngsters Joey Harrington, David Carr, Byron Leftwich, and JP Losman don’t have “it” and might never have “it.” They may still be good for fantasy, but they’ll never be great, according to me."

Why I Hate Commercials!!!

Because most commercials make guys look dumb... like the new Domino's steak fanatick pizza. Not group of men would ever sit around ordering statues on the QVC channel.

Because the burger you get any any fast food shop never looks like it does on TV.

Because crest white strips cost like 20 bucks but the commercial makes me want to buy them... I refuse but am so very currious to know if they work.

Because everyone advertised the Vikings would kick ass this year and all they do is lose football games.

Because they interrupt my shows. (not so bad when you need to pee or grab a cold beer)

Because if I didn't know there was a shiny new tech thingamajig on the market I wouldn't want to replace my shiny old tech thingamajig.

Because this is the biggest ever furnature sale in the history of gardner white furnature.

Because now THIS is the biggest ever furnature sale in the history of gardner white furnature.

No wait... because THIS IS REALLY the biggest.... oh forget it, you know the rest.

Why I Hate Driving in Detroit!!!

Driving Tips for our 2006 Superbowl Guests:
1. First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's Di-troit, NOT DEE-troit. If you pronounce it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are from Toledo and here for the country Music hoe-down.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray!

3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00am to 10:00am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00pm to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are open game.

4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. If you're first off the starting line when the light turns green, count to five before going. This will avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to keep from getting shot.

5. Schoenherr can ONLY be properly pronounced by a native of the Detroit metro area. That goes for Gratiot too.

6. Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96, I-75, I-275, I-375, The Lodge and The Southfield Freeways are a way of life. Just deal with it.

7. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect or they are "out-of-towners."

8. All old men with white hair wearing a hat have total right-of-way.

9. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 is 85 regardless of the posted speeds. Anything less is considered downright SISSY. Oh, and don't even think of allowing more than one car length between cars!

10. That attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is NOT ornamental. DO NOT get out of your car.

11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that reads "Keep honking, I'm reloading."

12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving 'because they are so friendly in Detroit'. I would suggest you duck.

13. I-275/I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.

14. It's not M-10, it's "the Lodge".

15. That's not a lake, it's a pothole.

16. If someone tells you it's on Outer Drive, you better hope you have a map.

17. The left turn is simple: If you want to turn left, go a 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get to the left, then make a left, then make a right. NOW you have gone left.

ENJOY YOUR STAY, BUT AVOID EYE-CONTACT WITH THE LOCALS

Why I Hate Sweet and Sour Sauce!!!

So I'm sitting at my desk looking at what was left of a to go cup of sweet and sour sauce that accompanied my egg role. It got me thinking about Ben's addiction to ranch dressing. In the course of two days I watched the man do three shots of pure ranch dressing... I'm thinking about this and looking at my sweet and sour sauce... and thinking... maybe it just tastes good? So, I look around... don't see anyone watching... and gulped it down like Ben and a bottle of hidden valley! It didn't taste good. I've been burping up chinese for two hours. Ben... get help man... you need serious help. To the rest of you, I suggest sticking to tequilia...

Why I Hate My Right Foot!!!

You gotta try this.

A little test to do at your desk.....How Smart Is Your Right Foot?TRY THIS NOW!This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keeptrying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot.But you can't!!!1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction!!!I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.Make sure you pass this on to your friends... They won't be able tobelieve it either!!!

Why I Hate Hurricanes!!!

Hurricanes suck! Especially Rita which has completly screwed up my entire week and which will most likely shut down my ISP, flood my warehouse, close down my call center and basically put my entire eCommerce capability under water for weeks.

I have to get all my inventory on racks, relocate CSRs to Austin, prepare for broken links on my site and participate on disaster recovery conference calls every four hours starting 8:00 AM Saturday Morning... Hello Rita!!! Don't you realize I have a wedding to go to on Saturday...

Seriously, hurricanes do suck and I thank god I live in Michigan where all we have to worry about is bitter freezing winters, rare tornados and canadians dumping their trash in our land fills. Everyone say a prayer for Galviston and all those who may be hit by Rita... especially the folks down in Huston that make www.shopdelphi.com work every day!

Why I Hate Being Best Man!!!

A good friend of mine sent me this after I asked her for some advice on my best man toast.

Dude, you need to bond with the wedding, and realize you're the best man, you're the one every chick is going to try and get with!!! Weddings are an aphrodisiac!!!! haha Think about it, free drinks, good food, and people dressed up nice. Already most women are in a good mood. Add on top of it that the wedding gives us hope that not all men are scum haha. For that one night everyone is in a good mood with their guard down and then you see the men in the tuxes and of course knees go weak since all men look great in tuxes. All of a sudden you notice one of the groomsmen and you find your prey for the evening. You smile at him, he smiles back and comes over to say hi. You talk and have a fun time since every man is charming at a wedding. Then you dance closely knowing a stranger would never get so close so fast but hey, it's a wedding and he's in a tux, who cares if I accidentally rub my breasts on him a little too much ;o) heehee, oops, I mean the hypothetical person not me of course, I would never ... heehee. You go outside for some fresh air, the moon and the stars are out and there are some flowers nearby and he picks one for you. You can't avoid it any longer, your hormones are on high alert due to the alcohol/wedding/tux combo so when he leans in for a kiss you gladly return the kiss and know that somewhere there are fireworks going off since for this one night all men are wonderful and this is the perfect kiss. You go back inside for more merriment and see how great he is around the other wedding guests and you think, I am going to mount this man ... oops, I mean you think, this man is perfect. Then the end of the night comes and ... well, you're in a tux so you can imagine where the night leads...

Whew, after thinking about the wedding I need a cold shower haha.

Why I Hate Find The Man!!!

Find the man between the coffee beans. Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in 3 seconds that your Right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and one minute, then your right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between one minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and You need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes your right half of your brain is a mess, and the only advice is to look more for these types of exercises to make that part of the brain stronger.
The man really is there.

Why I Hate Bachelor Parties!

The Good
The Bad
And the Ugly...

Story to be posted soon

Why I Hate Cell Phones

I scored tickets to the Green Day concert last Sunday at the Palace of Auburn Hills. If you ever get the chance to see Billie-Joe live, take it. That guy just rocks. They came out, punched you in the head and didn't stop punching for two straight hours. It was awesome... well... except for the fans. During one of the slower songs Green Day had all the lights turned off. The palace went dark. The mood was great. And then it happend. Every idiot in the croud with a cell phone starting holding them up and waving them in the air. What happend to the days when holding up your Zippo and letting that flame glow was cool. When the hell did Cell Phones replace Lighters? Is it because nobody smokes anymore. Is it because those damn lighters get real fricken hot holding them up for an entire song? Did Smoky The Bear complain? Is "The Man" behind this so he can sell more cell phones? I don't know. All I'm saying is "big freaking right on" to those few "old school" fans who brought out the flames and lit up the sky. And I send out a special "big F-U" to those idiots with the "bling bling" phones with all the blinking lights... shine them up real nice, turn them sideways, shove them up your arse and grow the F up! Either start smoking (so you can cary a lighter) or simply enjoy the tunes. People, it's just not cool to waive your phone in the air... they are not a substitute for the real thing. Just stop it!

By the way, Green Day Rocks!!! You have to see them live if you get the chance. Them and Cowboy Mouth are the best live bands ever!

P.S. visit evatt's blog!!!

Why I Hate Smoking!!!

JOHANNESBURG - A South African zoo is trying to persuade its star chimpanzee to kick a bad smoking habit.
Charlie, a grown male chimp and the Bloemfontein Zoo, has been picking up cigarettes thrown to him by visitors and smoking them — a habit he probably picked up by observing humans, zoo officials told the SAPA news agency on Thursday.
"Baby chimps pick up habits by mimicking adults and we think he started mimicking smokers at his enclosure which probably led to smokers throwing him cigarettes," spokesman Daryl Barnes told SAPA.

Why I hate Fantasy Football

So far this year has sucked! We started late, nobody could agree on a date, half the league doesn't like the rules, Half the league can't make the draft, everyone is so damn sensitive, last years winners haven't been paid, this year's commish hasn't even read the rules... enough already!!!

Let's have some fun. Put all this crap behind us, pick a good team, have some fun, joke around with out taking it personally and everyone clear your calendar for August 26, 2006 so we can all get together and enjoy hanging out. Isn't that why we started this league?

Why I hate weddings

'Beanie': Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to ya then.

You get one vigina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frankie. Way to work it through.

Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together to join Franklin and Marissa...

Beanie: [coughing] Don't do it. My throat's dry, I'm sorry.

Why I hate dating

I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.