Why I Hate Smoking!!!

JOHANNESBURG - A South African zoo is trying to persuade its star chimpanzee to kick a bad smoking habit.
Charlie, a grown male chimp and the Bloemfontein Zoo, has been picking up cigarettes thrown to him by visitors and smoking them — a habit he probably picked up by observing humans, zoo officials told the SAPA news agency on Thursday.
"Baby chimps pick up habits by mimicking adults and we think he started mimicking smokers at his enclosure which probably led to smokers throwing him cigarettes," spokesman Daryl Barnes told SAPA.

Why I hate Fantasy Football

So far this year has sucked! We started late, nobody could agree on a date, half the league doesn't like the rules, Half the league can't make the draft, everyone is so damn sensitive, last years winners haven't been paid, this year's commish hasn't even read the rules... enough already!!!

Let's have some fun. Put all this crap behind us, pick a good team, have some fun, joke around with out taking it personally and everyone clear your calendar for August 26, 2006 so we can all get together and enjoy hanging out. Isn't that why we started this league?

Why I hate weddings

'Beanie': Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to ya then.

You get one vigina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frankie. Way to work it through.

Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together to join Franklin and Marissa...

Beanie: [coughing] Don't do it. My throat's dry, I'm sorry.

Why I hate dating

I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.