Fooling Everyone?

Wedding Humor

2007-06-07T10:29:00.001-04:00

THE WEDDING TESTI was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year,
and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me,
it was her beautiful younger sister.My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, andGenerally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, And I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because sheNever did it when she was near anyone else.One day her "lit tle" sister called and asked me to come over to check theWedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me That she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. SheTold me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed myLife to her sister. Well, I was in tot al shock, and couldn't say a word.She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wildFling, just come up and get me."I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stoodThere for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the frontDoor. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, myEntire future family was standing outside, all clapping!With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said,

"We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better manFor our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Favorite Things on Our Registry

2007-06-06T10:25:00.000-04:00

These are my favorite things on our gift registry.

Just in case you were wondering.

Otherwise, just give ridiculous amounts of cash.

Judo Chop

This thing SUCKS

Cuts like a Knife

Banana Hammock

86 Days to Go!!!!

Some Wedding Humor

2007-05-23T11:07:00.000-04:00

T Minus 100 Days and Counting

2007-05-23T09:41:00.000-04:00

I'll be married in 100 Days!!!

So Almost Permanent!!!

Suns say Duncan left bench, too

2007-05-16T14:15:00.001-04:00

Posted on CNN: Wednesday May 16, 2007 10:09AM ET
The Suns didn't lose Tuesday's decision without at least making their own case. The Suns made sure that NBA decision-makers were aware that the Spurs' Tim Duncan and Bruce Bowen left the bench in Game 4 of their Western Conference playoff series when teammate Francisco Elson dunked early in the third quarter and hung on the rim, only to have the Suns' James Jones inadvertently undercut him as he headed up court. Elson fell to the floor. According to the Suns, Duncan jumped off the bench and walked onto the court with Bowen following him to get him back on the bench.

A long time coming

2007-05-07T19:18:00.000-04:00

You know, its been a while since I've just plain old bitched about stuff.

Well, look out, I got to get a few things off my mind.

First, lets start off with this bimbo who is all of a sudden suprised that sushi is good for you. I quote from her Yahoo article published this afternoon "Well, it turns out that our national indulgence in this tasty and visually enticing treat from Japan may also be good for our health. Like many other Japanese foods, sushi tends to be low in fat, cholesterol, and calories.
In addition, sushi that has seafood as an ingredient is often an excellent source of heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids, which lower the risk of blood clots and decrease triglyceride levels." HOW CAN IT NOT BE GOOD FOR US YOU DUMB ASS. IT'S FISNH AND RICE LADY! FISH AND EFFING RICE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. WHY DID YOU JUST WASTE OUR VALUABLE INTERNET TIME ON THIS CRAP!!! WE KNEW THIS ALREADY!!! DUH!!!

Ah, I'm just getting warmed up.

Have you heard the latest commercials from our little deep fried finger licken friends (NOTE: DEEP FRIED CHICKEN IS BAD. BAD CHICKEN. MESS YOU UP. LISTEN TO OUR DUMB ASS FRIEND AND GO EAT SUSHI INSTEAD) Anyway, KFC ran an add during the Kentucky derby stating that in CHINA KFC is more popular than McDonald's. That in CHINA, people prefer KFC to McDonald's like 3 to 1. And that in CHINA, KFC is so delicious millions of CHINAMEN are flocking to KFC. Um... on a small positive note, it is nice to see an American Based company fattening up the millions of communist Chinese who can't wait to take over the world with greasy cholesterol while making a nice little profit for yourself. Your turn GM & Ford. That said KFC, is that the best ad you can come up with... that because CHINA loves KFC more than McDonald's the rest of us should? SHAME ON YOU AND YOUR LAZY MARKETING. Advertise how delicious your chicken is. Talk about how yummy those potatoes are. Tell me more about that oh so finger licking good extra crispy secret recipe. DON'T TELL ME TO EAT KFC BECAUSE CHINA IS DOING IT! SHAME SHAME SHAME (note: I said COMMUNIST CHINESE not all people from china are bad I have friends from there and I love them.)

FINALLY! I'm forced to eat freaking cereal for desert because Ice Cream IS NOT ON MY WEDDING DIET!!!

Where to Honeymoon?

2007-04-26T15:11:00.000-04:00

Where should I go on my honeymoon?

An ultra all inclusive Caribbean resort like the Sandals White House ?

Or, a pay as you go breath taking Hawaiian get away?

Or some place real fancy like our very own Frankenmuth?

Seriously, I can't decide... well, lets just say Frankenmuth is out.

HELP!!! I can't make up my mind.

Save a BEE use a Land Line

2007-04-15T10:46:00.000-04:00

Are mobile phones wiping out our bees?

Scientists claim radiation from handsets are to blame for mysterious 'colony collapse' of bees
By Geoffrey Lean and Harriet Shawcross
Published: 15 April 2007
It seems like the plot of a particularly far-fetched horror film. But some scientists suggest that our love of the mobile phone could cause massive food shortages, as the world's harvests fail.

They are putting forward the theory that radiation given off by mobile phones and other hi-tech gadgets is a possible answer to one of the more bizarre mysteries ever to happen in the natural world - the abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops. Late last week, some bee-keepers claimed that the phenomenon - which started in the US, then spread to continental Europe - was beginning to hit Britain as well.

The theory is that radiation from mobile phones interferes with bees' navigation systems, preventing the famously homeloving species from finding their way back to their hives. Improbable as it may seem, there is now evidence to back this up.

Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) occurs when a hive's inhabitants suddenly disappear, leaving only queens, eggs and a few immature workers, like so many apian Mary Celestes. The vanished bees are never found, but thought to die singly far from home. The parasites, wildlife and other bees that normally raid the honey and pollen left behind when a colony dies, refuse to go anywhere near the abandoned hives.

The alarm was first sounded last autumn, but has now hit half of all American states. The West Coast is thought to have lost 60 per cent of its commercial bee population, with 70 per cent missing on the East Coast.

CCD has since spread to Germany, Switzerland, Spain, Portugal, Italy and Greece. And last week John Chapple, one of London's biggest bee-keepers, announced that 23 of his 40 hives have been abruptly abandoned.

Other apiarists have recorded losses in Scotland, Wales and north-west England, but the Department of the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs insisted: "There is absolutely no evidence of CCD in the UK."

The implications of the spread are alarming. Most of the world's crops depend on pollination by bees. Albert Einstein once said that if the bees disappeared, "man would have only four years of life left".

No one knows why it is happening. Theories involving mites, pesticides, global warming and GM crops have been proposed, but all have drawbacks.

German research has long shown that bees' behaviour changes near power lines.

Now a limited study at Landau University has found that bees refuse to return to their hives when mobile phones are placed nearby. Dr Jochen Kuhn, who carried it out, said this could provide a "hint" to a possible cause.

Dr George Carlo, who headed a massive study by the US government and mobile phone industry of hazards from mobiles in the Nineties, said: "I am convinced the possibility is real."

The case against handsets

Evidence of dangers to people from mobile phones is increasing. But proof is still lacking, largely because many of the biggest perils, such as cancer, take decades to show up.

Most research on cancer has so far proved inconclusive. But an official Finnish study found that people who used the phones for more than 10 years were 40 per cent more likely to get a brain tumour on the same side as they held the handset.

Equally alarming, blue-chip Swedish research revealed that radiation from mobile phones killed off brain cells, suggesting that today's teenagers could go senile in the prime of their lives.

Studies in India and the US have raised the possibility that men who use mobile phones heavily have reduced sperm counts. And, more prosaically, doctors have identified the condition of "text thumb", a form of RSI from constant texting.

Professor Sir William Stewart, who has headed two official inquiries, warned that children under eight should not use mobiles and made a series of safety recommendations, largely ignored by ministers.

So Permanent

2007-04-14T09:06:00.000-04:00

'Beanie': Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to ya then.

You get one vigina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frankie. Way to work it through.

Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together to join Franklin and Marissa...

Beanie: [coughing] Don't do it. My throat's dry, I'm sorry.

Is Baltar a Red Wing

2007-03-31T13:50:00.000-04:00

Hank Zetterberg <<<< Cylon>>>>Gaius Baltar

MMMM CYLON

Looking for Fun St. Patty's Day Stuff

2007-02-27T14:01:00.000-05:00

Hey, if you are looking for some fun St. Patrick's Day Regalia or just for some beads to throw at an overly friendly Irish Hottie, check out this site.

COOL IRISH STUFF!!!

Stargate February 19, 2007

2007-02-19T09:04:00.000-05:00

Star Trek Fans Click Here
This is a work safe link

Marriage, my final frontier

2007-02-16T15:21:00.000-05:00

Marriage, my final frontier.

These are the voyages of the starship Van Enterprise.

Our seven month mission: To explore strange new gift registries and bakeries and florists and halls and DJs and Limos and churches and photographers and golf courses and tuxedos and my favorite - bachelor party plans...

To seek out new life experiences and to eventually create new babies.

To boldly go on a bachelor party where no man has gone before!!!

Welcome to the official Joe Van Wedding Party!

The Crew!

Me (Captain Kirk)
Roberts (Number One)
Pata (Data with a sense of humor)
Scott (Bones)
McCall (Giordi)
Mark (Scotty for obvious reasons)
Kyle (Warf)
John (Wesley Crusher)
Chris (Landing Party Extra Red Shirt Guy/Usher)
My Dad (Picard - Captain of the Enterprise D and E)
Kristi's Dad (Sarek Spocks Dad)

I need a second landing party guy still

Anyway, welcome to the wedding. So proud to have you all stand up with me! Thank you very much and let the bachelor party planning begin!

ARE YOU WITH ME!?!?!

Hey Chixie Dicks!

2007-02-12T08:39:00.000-05:00

JUST GO AWAY ALREADY!!!

ESPECIALLY THE LITTLE RUNTY ONE!

FIVE GRAMMYS! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

ARE WE IN A MUSIC BLACK HOLE OR WHAT?

ARE THERE NO BETTER ARTIST OUT THERE THAN YOU?

WILL THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL PLEASE STAND UP AND SAVE US?

Buy American

2007-02-09T09:06:00.000-05:00

Shhh Don't tell anyone, Honda recalls vehicals tooo

Honda recalls over 45,000 Civic Hybrids
TOKYO -- Honda Motor Co . plans to recall 45,335 Civic Hybrid sedans worldwide to repair a voltage converter defect that could stop the car's engine, spokeswoman said Friday. Japan's No. 2 automaker plans to recall 7,219 of the vehicles sold in Japan and another 38,116 sold overseas, mostly in the U.S., a Honda spokeswoman said. She spoke on condition of anonymity.

CAN YOU SAY DENIAL?

Auto business briefs
Toyota chief: Recalls woke company up
CHICAGO -- Jim Press, president of Toyota Motor North America, doesn't feel other automakers are closing in on the Japanese company in terms of quality. Speaking at the Chicago Auto Show, Press acknowledged Toyota faltered in 2005 with a high number of recalls, but said the drop last year is evidence that Toyota addressed the problem. "It woke us up and scared us to the point of re-energizing our efforts on quality," he said.

Jeff Meckstroth's dispute with Toyota Motor Corp. might have ended quietly on March 1, 2001, when an arbitration panel unanimously agreed that Toyota was liable for the damage to the engine of his 2-year-old $37,000 Lexus RX300 sport utility vehicle.
Instead, it escalated. As the two Toyota representatives packed up their papers, they referred casually to other, similar cases they were handling. "Then we had our suspicions up that this isn't an unusual case, that Lexus knows about the problem, and has formed a response -- just deny, deny, deny," said Meckstroth, a 47-year-old New Orleans stockbroker. "We decided to sue."
His case mushroomed into a class-action suit representing prior and current owners of nearly 4 million Toyota and Lexus vehicles that may have suffered engine damage due to thickening oil, or sludge. It can accumulate and deprive the engine of necessary lubrication.
Toyota agreed last fall to settle the case but maintains that its engines were not defective. It said the settlement terms mirror a program to reimburse customers for sludge-related engine damage or repairs that it put in place in 2002. A Louisiana state court is expected to approve the settlement this week after a hearing today.
With engine replacements costing as much as $10,000, the final tab could run into the billions. But the damage to Toyota's reputation might be even more costly for the Japanese automaker.
Toyota is not the only automaker that has received complaints from consumers whose engines are damaged by sludge -- and the source of the problem and who bears responsibility are disputed issues.
But the high-profile case is the latest in a series of recalls and other signs suggesting that the Japanese automaker's quality controls aren't foolproof.
"It would be accurate to say that there have been enough issues with Toyota in the past couple of years that they don't have the spotless image they had a couple of years ago," said Karl Brauer, editor in chief of Edmunds.com, an automotive research Web site.
But he adds that problems at Toyota attract a disproportionate amount of attention because of the automaker's sterling reputation for quality. "Most companies wouldn't get noticed for these problems."
Further complicating matters, sludge issues aren't clear-cut. Excessive heat, sediment, poor oil condition or a combination of those factors may thicken the oil. In engines with very narrow passages, small amounts of sludge may get stuck, causing damage.
DaimlerChrysler AG's Chrysler Group and Volkswagen AG are among the automakers that have faced complaints about engine sludge in their vehicles.
"There are reasons to believe that the engine design could be contributing to it, but there are also reasons to think that lack of maintenance or proper customer care is contributing," Brauer said. "Everything I've read indicates something kind of in between."
Gary Gambel, an attorney at Murphy, Rogers, Sloss & Gambel in New Orleans, argued that Toyota's engines had a defect giving them a propensity to develop sludge.
But "the terms of the settlement and the settlement itself have no finding of defect in the product," Toyota spokesman Xavier Dominicis said. "They're not saying these engines are predisposed to sludge."
The settlement covers certain model years between 1997 and 2002 for the Toyota Camry, Solara, Avalon, Celica, and Lexus ES300 cars, and the RX300 and Highlander SUVs. The settlement amount "is tailored to what your damages are," Gambel said.
Toyota does not expect the rate at which customers are coming in for engine repairs in those vehicles or for compensation to change as a result of the settlement, Dominicis said.
Toyota remains among the quality leaders by any measure, but some question whether it can continue to grow rapidly and maintain top standards. Its sales targets suggest Toyota may overtake General Motors Corp. to become the world's No. 1 automaker this year.
In a recent interview, Yuki Funo, Toyota's highest-level U.S. Toyota executive, said he thought Toyota had "come through the worst period."
He noted that the company's U.S. recalls were lower last year than in 2005. "We are on the right track to get our arms around this issue, and I think we should see better signs in the future," Funo said.
Most experts say it takes years for brands to lose -- and restore -- their reputations.
"The sludge issue was a significant blow," said Art Spinella, president of CNW Marketing Research Inc. in Bandon, Ore. "Toyota's in the position that GM was in back in the 1970s. A lot of people were buying GM products in the '70s because they were GM products, but they had fractures at the edges. It took 15 years before GM started to suffer from that long-term negative word-of-mouth."
At Toyota, he said, "it's going to hurt them if they don't turn it around."

See, it's totally legit!

2007-01-29T12:30:00.000-05:00

Please go to this website and sign their petition to make the Monday after the Superbowl a Holiday! I mean come on! Even if you don't like sports its still a day off work.

Just click here to go to www.superbowlmonday.com!

Petition to make life great again!!!

2007-01-29T10:07:00.000-05:00

By providing the first national petition and online forum, our vision is to see our greatest game take its next step into American History

Make the Super Bowl

A National Holiday &

Get the Monday After Off

No more Super Bowl Monday at work hangover!!!

SuperBowlMonday.com is a grass-roots political campaign dedicated to making Super Bowl Sunday a new National Holiday, with observation on Monday following the big game.

Click Here to Sign the Petition to Make This Happen

Evatt to host SuperBowl Party!!!

2007-01-25T11:22:00.000-05:00

SuperBowl Party Location Revealed

Chris Evatt will open his Man's Den to host the 2006 Season Ending SuperBowl.

Please let Chris know if you will be attending so he can plan accordingly.

Hey, and it will be a kid friendly party so bring the entire family

Note: Since it will be a kid friendly event, please wear appropirate articles of clothing that will not malfunction

Yo Yo Yo DAWG!

2007-01-24T12:04:00.000-05:00

Click HERE for Exciting News

Getting Hitched

2007-01-22T12:59:00.000-05:00

Thank God It's Friday!!!

2007-01-22T12:51:00.000-05:00

Save the Date

Friday, August 31, 2007

I'm getting married to the most amazing woman in the world!

Day Two... feels like we've been here a week

2007-01-08T02:14:00.000-05:00

Everyone seems so worn down already this year. Definitly not as fun as the last two years. Today started out at 5 AM when I woke up way too bright and early. Cool thing about being on the left coast was watching the Patriots dismantle the Jets at ten AM while having breakfast and starbucks in bed.

Basically I stayed in bed till the game was over at 1, took a shower and went to the convention center at 2. We stayed there till 5 learning the new booth layout and about all the new products. Delphi really does make some cool stuff.

After that we went here for dinner

It's at the Mandalay Bay Casino... we walked through the Luxor and Excalibur since I've never seen those casinos before. The Luxor is cool as hell, the Elevators literally go up on an angle. Not straight up and down, till they meet at a point at the top of the Luxor pyramid.

Seriously worth checking out. After that I lost 30 bucks at roulette. That sucked cause the lady next to me and good friend was winning every time. Stupid gambling.

Time for bed. Hell week starts tomorrow. Four straight days working the show. YUCK. My feet hurt just thinking about it.

2007-01-07T10:12:00.000-05:00

Day one in Vegas was exhausting! First, on the flight in an attendant calmly asked "is there a doctor on board?". Apparently a lady had passed out on our plane and caused quite a stir. She was in luck though because there WAS a doctor on the plane. It turned out to be no big deal... two aspirin and call me in the morning type of thing... however, it was kind of cool to hear the attendant call out, "is there a doctor on board?". I thought that only happened in the movies. Anyway, after rushing from the airport to the Venetian... the group I was with wandered around the place for about twenty minutes before we finally found the room we were looking for. That place is huge! And when you are running late trying to find something a Casino is the last place you want to be lost in.

During the meeting I was able to connect to ESPN on my phone to check up on the game scores. So much for LJ running wild all over the Colts. Needless to say, I was pretty happy to be able to check on the game during the meeting

So, after the meetings we went to this very nice restaurant called N9nes. Everything was fantastic! The food was so good. Best part about it was the company picked up the entire meal. Drinks included. I had a Bombay Sapphire Gin martini, shaken not stirred that literally kicked my ass. Speaking of kicked asses, how do you think Romo feels today after botching a sure game winning field goal? Oh, on second thought, the best part was there were a couple plasma TVs in our private room at N9nes so I got to watch the second half of the Seattle Dallas game.

After gorging on exquisite food and drinks, we went up to the top of the Palms casino to a club called Ghost Bar. I swear it felt like I was in an Austin Powers movie. All the waitresses looked like “fem-bot nurses” (kinda like this)

dressed in teeny tiny white mini skirts, teeny tiny low… real low cut tops, thigh high nylons and white stripper boots. The place was lit with just black lights, so these chicks really stood out in the crowd.

Anyway, the view at the Ghost Bar was amazing. It looked like this except less crappy

I don’t recall what time I stumbled home, but I do think it sucks that I’m wide awake at 6 AM really wishing I could get back to sleep.

Oh, and the next football game is on at 10AM left coast time. Can you say breakfast in bed?

P.S. the only thing that could have made day one better is if Kristi would have been here. I miss her.

Paco

2006-12-20T11:59:00.000-05:00

Say ello to my leetle friend! This is Paco, he is one bad ass lizard that lives in a tree at the Riu Palace, Mexican resort. Although he looks like a regular lizard, he's really the boss of the place. I hired him to be my 2007 Mexican Franchise Fantasy Football Team Mascot. You don't want to mess with him. One bite and the infection will be so bad they have to cut your arm off. Imagine if he bit you in the johnson! I'm just saying...

Here is Paco's home. Casa Del Paco if you will. He takes great pride in keeping his yard in tip top shape. It's truly immaculate. Don't even think about walking on his grass. Bad lizard! Mess you up!

Here is one of Paco's posse members. His name is Peco. His nick name is Speck. Don't let his small size fool you. He's super fast. He'll bite you ten times before you even feel the sting. And you'll be all like what the hell was that? And then like, where the hell did my thumbs go? Yeah, that's right, he'll bite them right off.

Ok, so these are some of the dudes I met in Mexico last week. I told them I would put the on the Internet. They really aren't very tech savvy. Being on a Blog is a big deal to them. Alright Paco and Speck, I kept my word. You're now famous! See you next year dudes!

Gone Fishing!

2006-12-09T23:11:00.000-05:00

See you in a week biotches! Sure hope it isn't freezing ass cold while I'm on the beach with my hottie fiance drinking tropical deliciousness while watching the sun set into paradise!

Engaged!

2006-12-09T01:24:00.000-05:00

Thank you to everyone who made Friday, December 8th the most special day for Kristi and Me. Don, Mike, Michael Johnson, Kyle, Greg, Paul and Dave, I couldn't think of better guys to be there to share this moment. Mom, Joette, Kelli, Berni, Amanda, Felicia, Keliann, Tina and Sarah, the new women in my life! Thank you also for this magical moment.

And to my Fiance... THANK YOU FOR SAYING YES! I love you for ever!

It's Party Time! IRISH STYLE!

2006-12-08T06:48:00.000-05:00

Come raise a pint of Guinness in celebration of the "Old Lady's" birthday.

You wont want to miss this raucous affair!

The party starts at 9:00 the fun ends in the weee hours of the morning.

Cheers!

Baby is all grown up!

2006-12-07T07:43:00.000-05:00

I love you Baby!

Happy Birthday!!!

PLAYOFFS BABY

2006-12-06T13:37:00.000-05:00

Once uppon a time I got an email... it said something like "hey Joe, I'll trade you Ladanian Tomlinson for a draft pick and a cup of coffee". I thought to myself...

Draft Pick... 6th round

Coffee... freeze dried

Stealing LT from one of the best fantasy football minds in the BHFFL... Priceless!

So, in 2006 I'm rushing LT into the playoffs and hopefully to a championship.

Thank you LT

and Thank you SBM

Injury bug hits Poker Dawgs Hard!

2006-11-19T18:26:00.000-05:00

M. Colston - starting #1 WR: Injurred in the first quarter, did not return, ankle sprain
K. Jones - starting #2 RB: Injurred in the first quarter, did not return, anke sprain getting x-rays
L. Jordan - back up RB: Injurred in the first quarter, did not return, torn MCL out for the rest of the season

Is there a doctor in the house? Anyone?

Maybe someone could give me a can of that spray on magic fix all injurries stuff those soccer guys use?

Lets all hope my guys are ok and ready to play next week. Please.

Red Bull Gives you Wings

2006-11-17T22:58:00.000-05:00

I'm BACK

Some random thoughts to shake the rust off. It's been way too long since I've posted.

Here we go.

First, Red Bull is the greatest stuff on earth.

Battlestar Galactica is an AWESOME show

Candle Parties SUCK

Bands are for geeks... But I'm sort of a geek so it's ok

Ladanian Tomlinson is to my fantasy football team what air is to humans.

Coleston was the best waiver wire pick up EVER

Go Blue, we will miss you Bo

I love you baby, more than you will ever know.

OUCH!

2005-11-02T10:00:00.000-05:00

This would really hurt!

Canned Fruit?

2005-11-01T20:44:00.000-05:00

Why do people buy fruit in the can when there is fresh fruit just a few isles over?

Is it skill or luck?

2005-10-25T21:06:00.000-04:00

I've been watching the World Series of Poker (WSP) on ESPN for a few weeks now. I find it facinating to watch "the pros" play hand after hand after hand with guys (and some babes) who coughed up 10K to play because they won a couple games of kitchen table poker on tuesday night at Amber-D's house while drinking a Gin and Tonic. These so called pros look stunned that "Don", the physics teacher from Grosse Pointe (feel free to insert your own character here, Don is just a made up person to add flavor to the story) has the nutz (that is a poker term by the way) to go "all in" with pocket jacks when the "pro" tries to bluff them out of the hand... No, when the pro tries to bluff them out of the game... No, when the pro tries to bluff them out of the tournament... No, when the pro tries to bluff them off the planet because nobody but a "pro" has the right to play in the WSP. Right?

HOW DARE YOU CALL MY BET DON?
Don't you know I'm a PRO!!!
YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE.
Says the "pro"...
to himself
with his inside voice
(because cameras are rolling, can't say that kinda thing on TV)

Anyway, "Don" got me thinking, is it luck or is it skill that wins a poker game? I'm convinced that over time, oh say a brazillion days or so a "pro" will win more than, um... Don. But the problem is that every now and then Don will catch five wild cards (not talking holdem anymore) and beat a pro with five queens. And the cycle begins... Bluff enough, play it slow enough, catch on the river enough, GET LUCKY ENOUGH and you just might think you are, in fact, a "pro" yourself and plop down 10K to play in the WSL (world series of luck)...

So, Luck or Skill? If you ask me, the difference between a "pro" and "Don" is TV, money and time. See, we all think these "pros" are "pros" because they show up in movies (you gotta see Rounders), all they do is play poker, and more poker and even more poker to the point that they get on TV every tuesday night. Money because they can afford to live in casinos playing poker game after poker game. Time because they don't have the kind of jobs we have like teaching our youngsters the importance of doing more physics homework to get a magical "A" on their report card. Rather than grading "more" homework, "Pros" play more poker. What happens when you play more poker? You get on TV, you make more money and you can afford to waste your time playing more poker... see how that cycle goes?

Take away the TV, the money and the time and what do you have left that differenciates a "Pro" from a "Don" LUCK, LUCKITY LUCK LUCK LUCK. Which any "pro" will tell you, without luck, they'd never be a "pro" in the first place.

Since we all get lucky some times be we rarely get the TV, money and time the "pros" do, When and if you get the chance... I say GO ALL IN with your pocket jacks when that "pro" puts you all in. Chances are it's YOUR turn to get lucky! And the cycle begins again... only this time the "Pro's" name is "DON"!!!

Nine lives wasn't enough

2005-10-22T17:15:00.000-04:00

I had to scrape my neighbor's little girl's cat off the street today with a shovel. It was hit by a car, right out front of her house. Driver didn't even stop. It was a very sad sad day.

If I could save time in a bottle...

2005-10-20T08:40:00.000-04:00

I was thinking today while in the shower ( don't we all do our best thinking there?) what would I put in a time capsule to represent the last five years of our lives.

Right away I thought of the Lance Armstrong "Livestrong" yellow bracelets.

Then of course the evil empire Apple and their overly hyped ipod... you know you can get better MP3 players for less money with more features don't you? Just go to http://www.evatt.blogspot.com/ and ask Chris about it.

After that and one of my personal favorites would be the poker craze... so we would have to put some poker chips and cards in the time capsule.

Oh, what about the game boy... the single most anti go out and play sports, anti use your imaginationto keep yourself busy and anti do your homework video game device ever created. Just ask any fat 13 year old... I'm sure he has the latest version.

Speaking of fat 13 year old kids, why does everything have to be supersized, biggie sized, over sized? Do we really need to drink 24 ounces of soda water mixed with syrup every time we go to a fast food joint?

Anyway, that's all I could come up with before the water started getting cold. And you know what happens when the water is cold... SHRINKAGE JERRY SHRINKAGE!!!
Maybe tomorrow I'll think of a few more things. Till then, what would you put in YOUR time capsule.

"I'm not gonna quit. They will have to drag me out of here. I know I'm still a good football player."

2005-10-19T21:24:00.000-04:00

The lions desperately need Joey Harrington to step up and be the guy. To show he has what "it" takes. Consider the options... Starting a quy who was so bad even the Browns let him go or a Rookie who has a slim to no chance of winning his first year. Then don't need either of those two options. They need Joey to play better. They need Tolner to call better plays. Look at the successfull teams in the NFL... they all have QBs that have been with the team for a while, who know the system and knows his wide receivers... That won't happen in Detroit unless Joey becomes the Guy... I'm hoping he can do "it"... God help us if he can't beat the Browns on Sunday!

What Would Jesus Blog?

2005-10-17T15:43:00.000-04:00

Thought you might find this CNN article interesting

What would Jesus blog?

That and other pressing questions drew 135 Christians to Southern California this weekend for a national conference billed as the first-ever for "God bloggers," a growing community of online writers who exchange information and analyze current events from a Christian perspective.
The three-day conference at Biola University marked an important benchmark for Christian bloggers, who have worked behind the scenes for years to spread the Gospel and infuse politics with religion.
Topics included God bloggers' relationship with the traditional church, their growing influence on mainstream politics and how to manage outsiders' perceptions.
Some predicted bloggers could play a role in reforming the modern church by keeping televangelists and other high-profile Christian leaders honest.
Joe Carter, author of evangelicaloutpost.com, compared blogging to the 95 Theses posted by Martin Luther nearly 500 years ago that launched the Protestant Reformation.
"It's like putting 95 blogs out there," said Carter, who previously said God bloggers offer an "uncensored and unadulterated" view of contemporary Christian thought on politics and organized religion.
Many bloggers are now writing about religious oppression, poverty and world hunger, instead of hot-button issues such as abortion, homosexuality and assisted suicide, said the Rev. Andrew Jackson, a seminary professor and pastor at the Word of Grace Church in Mesa, Arizona.
"With blogging you tend to break out of those circles and you see other points of view," Carter said. "There's a bigger world out there than gay marriage and abortion."
At one well-attended workshop -- "When Non-Christians Read Your Blog" -- Biola University professor Timothy Muehlhoff gave instructions on writing about faith without alienating nonbelievers.
He stressed that God blogging has the potential to be a "train wreck" because done wrong it can reinforce stereotypes of evangelical Christians as angry and close-minded "pit bulls of the culture wars."
"As Christians today we are embroiled in the argument culture and we have forgotten this one thing: 'Blessed are the peacemakers.'," he said. "Wouldn't it be nice if we could say we brought a level of civility back to the conversation?"
Jackson, who blogs at smartchristian.com, said he wasn't as sure what long-term influence blogging would have on evangelical Christians -- but he knew it would be important.
"We are just at the beginning of what is going on," he said. "We need to start thinking about how we can harness and focus the Christian blogosphere for greater impact."

Why I Hate the Sound of Silence!!!

2005-10-15T22:50:00.000-04:00

Hey, see this thing over there. Leave me a message on what you would like to read about. I'll do my best to comply. Thank you bud!

Why I Hate Being Told How to Live My Life!

2005-10-13T21:29:00.000-04:00

J.A.R. (Jason Andrew Relva)
My friend drove off the other day, And now he's gone and all they say, Is you gotta live cause life goes on But now I see i'm mortal too I can't live my life like you Gotta live it up while life goes on

And I think it's alright That I do what I like cause that's the way I wanna live And so I give And i'm still giving

And now I wonder about my friend If he gave all he could give Cause he lived his life like I live mine If you could see inside my head Then you'd start to understand The things I value in my heart

You know that, I know that, Your watching me

Gotta make a plan Gotta do what's right Can't run around in circles If you wanna build a life But I don't wanna make a plan For a day far away While i'm young and while i'm able All I wanna do is....

Why I Hate Walt!!!

2005-10-13T10:09:00.000-04:00

Well, I don't actually hate Walt... but in keeping with my theme... Anyway, this is pretty cool Don't know if its true or not, but if you look at the milk carton below, you will see Walt's face on the side. Sweet huh? By the way, how did the milk stay fresh for 30 years?

Why I Hate Double Churn!!!

2005-10-09T14:06:00.000-04:00

It gives me attomic explosive megga gas. Whew! And stinky too!

Why I Hate Saudi Oil!!!

2005-10-06T09:02:00.000-04:00

WHERE TO BUY YOUR USA-GAS WHERE TO BUY YOUR USA-GAS, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW.

READ ON--

Gas rationing in the 80's worked even though we grumbled about it.
It might even be good for us! The Saudis are boycotting American goods.
We should return the favor. [KSW] I'm posting this in my car to remind me! An interesting thought is to boycott their GAS. Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just buy from gas companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis. Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family, and my friends. I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle Eastern oil.

These companies import Middle Eastern oil:

Shell............................ 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco......... 144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil............... 130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway... 117,740,000 barrels
Amoco............................62,231,000 barrels

If you do the math at $30/barrel, these imports amount to over $18 BILLION! (oil is now $55-$60 a barrel)

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:

Citgo......................0 barrels
Sunoco...................0 barrels
Conoco..................0 barrels
Sinclair.................0 barrels
BP/Phillips............0 barrels
Hess.......................0 barrels
ARC0.....................0 barrels

All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and each is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers. It's really simple to do. Now, don't wimp out at this point.... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!! I'm sending this note to about thirty people.

If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) .. and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers !!!!!!! If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it ..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!! Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next eight days!

Why I Hate IT!!!

2005-10-05T14:28:00.000-04:00

Quote from a very smart football guy "So far in this young season it’s been one epiphany after another for me. Last week, I finally figured out what ultimately makes a NFL QB a great Fantasy QB: “IT.” I’m more convinced than ever that Eli Manning has “it” and that youngsters Joey Harrington, David Carr, Byron Leftwich, and JP Losman don’t have “it” and might never have “it.” They may still be good for fantasy, but they’ll never be great, according to me."

Why I Hate Commercials!!!

2005-10-03T20:03:00.000-04:00

Because most commercials make guys look dumb... like the new Domino's steak fanatick pizza. Not group of men would ever sit around ordering statues on the QVC channel.

Because the burger you get any any fast food shop never looks like it does on TV.

Because crest white strips cost like 20 bucks but the commercial makes me want to buy them... I refuse but am so very currious to know if they work.

Because everyone advertised the Vikings would kick ass this year and all they do is lose football games.

Because they interrupt my shows. (not so bad when you need to pee or grab a cold beer)

Because if I didn't know there was a shiny new tech thingamajig on the market I wouldn't want to replace my shiny old tech thingamajig.

Because this is the biggest ever furnature sale in the history of gardner white furnature.

Because now THIS is the biggest ever furnature sale in the history of gardner white furnature.

No wait... because THIS IS REALLY the biggest.... oh forget it, you know the rest.

Why I Hate Driving in Detroit!!!

2005-09-29T10:09:00.000-04:00

Driving Tips for our 2006 Superbowl Guests:
1. First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's Di-troit, NOT DEE-troit. If you pronounce it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are from Toledo and here for the country Music hoe-down.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray!

3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00am to 10:00am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00pm to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are open game.

4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. If you're first off the starting line when the light turns green, count to five before going. This will avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to keep from getting shot.

5. Schoenherr can ONLY be properly pronounced by a native of the Detroit metro area. That goes for Gratiot too.

6. Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96, I-75, I-275, I-375, The Lodge and The Southfield Freeways are a way of life. Just deal with it.

7. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect or they are "out-of-towners."

8. All old men with white hair wearing a hat have total right-of-way.

9. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 is 85 regardless of the posted speeds. Anything less is considered downright SISSY. Oh, and don't even think of allowing more than one car length between cars!

10. That attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is NOT ornamental. DO NOT get out of your car.

11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that reads "Keep honking, I'm reloading."

12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving 'because they are so friendly in Detroit'. I would suggest you duck.

13. I-275/I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.

14. It's not M-10, it's "the Lodge".

15. That's not a lake, it's a pothole.

16. If someone tells you it's on Outer Drive, you better hope you have a map.

17. The left turn is simple: If you want to turn left, go a 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get to the left, then make a left, then make a right. NOW you have gone left.

ENJOY YOUR STAY, BUT AVOID EYE-CONTACT WITH THE LOCALS

Why I Hate Sweet and Sour Sauce!!!

2005-09-27T16:07:00.000-04:00

So I'm sitting at my desk looking at what was left of a to go cup of sweet and sour sauce that accompanied my egg role. It got me thinking about Ben's addiction to ranch dressing. In the course of two days I watched the man do three shots of pure ranch dressing... I'm thinking about this and looking at my sweet and sour sauce... and thinking... maybe it just tastes good? So, I look around... don't see anyone watching... and gulped it down like Ben and a bottle of hidden valley! It didn't taste good. I've been burping up chinese for two hours. Ben... get help man... you need serious help. To the rest of you, I suggest sticking to tequilia...

Why I Hate My Right Foot!!!

2005-09-26T13:56:00.000-04:00

You gotta try this.

A little test to do at your desk.....How Smart Is Your Right Foot?TRY THIS NOW!This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keeptrying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot.But you can't!!!1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction!!!I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.Make sure you pass this on to your friends... They won't be able tobelieve it either!!!

Why I Hate Hurricanes!!!

2005-09-22T15:28:00.000-04:00

Hurricanes suck! Especially Rita which has completly screwed up my entire week and which will most likely shut down my ISP, flood my warehouse, close down my call center and basically put my entire eCommerce capability under water for weeks.

I have to get all my inventory on racks, relocate CSRs to Austin, prepare for broken links on my site and participate on disaster recovery conference calls every four hours starting 8:00 AM Saturday Morning... Hello Rita!!! Don't you realize I have a wedding to go to on Saturday...

Seriously, hurricanes do suck and I thank god I live in Michigan where all we have to worry about is bitter freezing winters, rare tornados and canadians dumping their trash in our land fills. Everyone say a prayer for Galviston and all those who may be hit by Rita... especially the folks down in Huston that make www.shopdelphi.com work every day!

Why I Hate Being Best Man!!!

2005-09-21T12:29:00.000-04:00

A good friend of mine sent me this after I asked her for some advice on my best man toast.

Dude, you need to bond with the wedding, and realize you're the best man, you're the one every chick is going to try and get with!!! Weddings are an aphrodisiac!!!! haha Think about it, free drinks, good food, and people dressed up nice. Already most women are in a good mood. Add on top of it that the wedding gives us hope that not all men are scum haha. For that one night everyone is in a good mood with their guard down and then you see the men in the tuxes and of course knees go weak since all men look great in tuxes. All of a sudden you notice one of the groomsmen and you find your prey for the evening. You smile at him, he smiles back and comes over to say hi. You talk and have a fun time since every man is charming at a wedding. Then you dance closely knowing a stranger would never get so close so fast but hey, it's a wedding and he's in a tux, who cares if I accidentally rub my breasts on him a little too much ;o) heehee, oops, I mean the hypothetical person not me of course, I would never ... heehee. You go outside for some fresh air, the moon and the stars are out and there are some flowers nearby and he picks one for you. You can't avoid it any longer, your hormones are on high alert due to the alcohol/wedding/tux combo so when he leans in for a kiss you gladly return the kiss and know that somewhere there are fireworks going off since for this one night all men are wonderful and this is the perfect kiss. You go back inside for more merriment and see how great he is around the other wedding guests and you think, I am going to mount this man ... oops, I mean you think, this man is perfect. Then the end of the night comes and ... well, you're in a tux so you can imagine where the night leads...

Whew, after thinking about the wedding I need a cold shower haha.

Why I Hate Find The Man!!!

2005-09-20T15:00:00.000-04:00

Find the man between the coffee beans. Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in 3 seconds that your Right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and one minute, then your right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between one minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and You need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes your right half of your brain is a mess, and the only advice is to look more for these types of exercises to make that part of the brain stronger.
The man really is there.

Why I Hate Bachelor Parties!

2005-09-19T08:14:00.000-04:00

The Good
The Bad
And the Ugly...

Story to be posted soon

Why I Hate Cell Phones

2005-09-14T11:19:00.000-04:00

I scored tickets to the Green Day concert last Sunday at the Palace of Auburn Hills. If you ever get the chance to see Billie-Joe live, take it. That guy just rocks. They came out, punched you in the head and didn't stop punching for two straight hours. It was awesome... well... except for the fans. During one of the slower songs Green Day had all the lights turned off. The palace went dark. The mood was great. And then it happend. Every idiot in the croud with a cell phone starting holding them up and waving them in the air. What happend to the days when holding up your Zippo and letting that flame glow was cool. When the hell did Cell Phones replace Lighters? Is it because nobody smokes anymore. Is it because those damn lighters get real fricken hot holding them up for an entire song? Did Smoky The Bear complain? Is "The Man" behind this so he can sell more cell phones? I don't know. All I'm saying is "big freaking right on" to those few "old school" fans who brought out the flames and lit up the sky. And I send out a special "big F-U" to those idiots with the "bling bling" phones with all the blinking lights... shine them up real nice, turn them sideways, shove them up your arse and grow the F up! Either start smoking (so you can cary a lighter) or simply enjoy the tunes. People, it's just not cool to waive your phone in the air... they are not a substitute for the real thing. Just stop it!

By the way, Green Day Rocks!!! You have to see them live if you get the chance. Them and Cowboy Mouth are the best live bands ever!

P.S. visit evatt's blog!!!

Why I Hate Smoking!!!

2005-08-29T16:58:00.000-04:00

JOHANNESBURG - A South African zoo is trying to persuade its star chimpanzee to kick a bad smoking habit.
Charlie, a grown male chimp and the Bloemfontein Zoo, has been picking up cigarettes thrown to him by visitors and smoking them — a habit he probably picked up by observing humans, zoo officials told the SAPA news agency on Thursday.
"Baby chimps pick up habits by mimicking adults and we think he started mimicking smokers at his enclosure which probably led to smokers throwing him cigarettes," spokesman Daryl Barnes told SAPA.

Why I hate Fantasy Football

2005-08-26T21:15:00.000-04:00

So far this year has sucked! We started late, nobody could agree on a date, half the league doesn't like the rules, Half the league can't make the draft, everyone is so damn sensitive, last years winners haven't been paid, this year's commish hasn't even read the rules... enough already!!!

Let's have some fun. Put all this crap behind us, pick a good team, have some fun, joke around with out taking it personally and everyone clear your calendar for August 26, 2006 so we can all get together and enjoy hanging out. Isn't that why we started this league?

Why I hate weddings

2005-08-26T11:31:00.000-04:00

Why I hate dating

2005-08-25T14:23:00.000-04:00

I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.